


I still want him?

by livin_la_vida_yaoi



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Captain America - Freeform, Dark, Dark!Steve Rogers - Freeform, Iron Man - Freeform, M/M, Rape, Stony - Freeform, Violence, im so sorryyyy, past attraction, this is bad I'm sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-14
Updated: 2017-04-18
Packaged: 2018-07-24 01:48:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 8
Words: 7,148
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7488591
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/livin_la_vida_yaoi/pseuds/livin_la_vida_yaoi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Steve has an evil side that no one, including himself, knows about. But Tony sees it, and things can't stay the same. But Tony's has always been in love with Steve, up until the end…</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is just pretty sad and dark and ugh. I'm sorry.

Tony punched another 'soldier', knocking the guy out. He did not use anything explosive, since these were just innocent people who were influenced by the wrong crowd. Well, wrong man. It was a fairly easy fight, but there was lots of destruction and it was necessary that the Avengers got involved. So they carried on, knocking out the so called 'soldiers' without a thought of losing.

Then something hit Tony. Literally. The man in the suit of armor was knocked to the ground. He looked up, expecting to find a simple opponent, but was instead met with his own teammate.

"The hell are you doing Rogers?!" He growled, attempting to push the man off him. But Steve did not budge, and Tony admitted that he became fearful when the man on top of him grabbed his mask, ripping from his face, "Cap!" He yelled.

"Shut up," was the response he was met with, as well as a dark glare.

Knowing something was up, Tony lifted his armored hand to try and blast his friend off him, but failed when Steve grabbed his hand, squeezing tightly. He felt the the armor on his hand become tighter. Steve was crushing it! He panicked at Steve began to do this with his other hand, eventually ripping the armor violently off of both hands.

"Get off!" Tony screamed, kicking Steve in the back and hearing a loud thud. The captain was still and Tony took the opportunity to try and get away, but Steve suddenly grabbed his face, covering his mouth.

Tony tried to kick again, but Steve jumped off of him, still holding Tony's head down with his hand.

"Quit struggling. It'll be less painful," Steve uttered, picking up his shield and raising it in the air.

If Tony knew one thing at this moment, it was that he was scared shitless. Captain America has gone insane! He'll kill me! He's going to break my arc reactor! He thought.

Tony was wrong, but the situation had not improved. Steve had taken his shield and started beating on the armor with it.

"Your shield is—" Jarvis' voice ceased as Tony's armor seemed to stop. He tried to move but his suit felt like dead weight on him and he was unable to.

"Better," he heard Steve say as the now crazy man began to peel off his armor with strength that Tony never knew he had.

When it was done with, Tony lay there in shock. His suit had been destroyed by his teammate's bare hands. And now he just laid there, defenseless.

He saw Steve smirk and the hand was removed from his face, "You look better when you're face has been drained of hope and you're unarmed," he commented.

Tony, refusing to give in, pushed himself up, throwing a punch at the other's face, but Steve had easily stopped it by grabbing his fist.

"What the hell did you just do? What's wrong with you?" Tony panted, sore from getting beat with a shield.

"Nothing is wrong with me. I've always been this way. I was just waiting for the right moment."

"Moment for what?"

"Seeing you fall."

Tony's eyes widened, "Why? We're teammates dammit! We protect each other not kill each other!" He raised his voice.

"Who said anything about killing? I just wanted to see what you'd look like so desperate." Steve chuckled.

"What does that even mean? Desperate?"

"Yeah. Come on Tony, I know you love me, right?" Steve said, pinning the smaller man to the ground.

"No I—"

"Don't lie."

"I don't—"

"I'm not an idiot!"

"I'd never fall for... for you. I may have loved Steve Rogers, but you are not him," Tony gritted his teeth in anger.

Steve laughed loudly at the answer, "Come on, don't lie, you're not fooling anyone. I know you, Tony. You want me. You like being controlled. You're disgusting, you know that?"

"I'm not," Tony whimpered as Steve leaned closer to him, biting the junction between his neck and shoulder.

Tony couldn't help but let out a quiet moan, so he immediately bit his lip to control himself.

"Fucking masochist," Steve whispered, moving his hand south to palm Tony's crotch.

Tony twisted his head away from Steve's sneering face. His heart began to beat faster as he tried his best to hold in the little sounds coming from him. /I can't give in I can't give in I can't give in/, he repeated like a mantra in his head.

But when Steve slipped his hands inside Tony's boxers and began to stroke his hardening cock, all of his self-control shattered.

"Steve! St-Stop it!" He shouted, but he himself did not know whether or not that was what he really wanted.

"You want me." Steve said.

"I-I want you," Tony mumbled.

"You want my hands all over you."

"Please Steve... touch me."

Steve leaned in closer until their noses were touching. Tony tried to push his head up for a kiss, and succeeded when he felt his love's lips on his own, but the kiss became too harsh as Steve refused to let Tony breathe and then pinched his nose, stopping all air flow.

Tony's weakly groped for Steve's shirt, but his vision became blurry and everything went black.

— — — —

"Tony! Tony!" An annoying voice seemed to yell in his ear.

Tony opened his eyes and looked around, finding Clint sitting beside him, as well as Natasha, Bruce, Steve, and Thor, all sitting around him.

"What... what happened?" he stammered.

Natasha answered him, "You passed out on the battlefield. Your armor was obliterated. Steve told us that he found you and carried you over here. To safety." 

"Steve...," Tony whispered, his memories rushing back to him. He shot up in the bed and covered himself with the sheets, backing up against the wall, "He tried to kill me! He destroyed my suit! H-He wanted to see me fall!" He accused, pointing at the Captain.

"What are you talking about?" Thor wondered, baffled.

"He saved you," Bruce tried to explain.

"No!" Tony tried to convince them, "He's a monster! He's out to get me!"

And then he actually looked at Steve. And the look in his eyes scared Tony. Because Steve looked innocent. His teammate genuinely did not was going on. Steve really thought that he'd saved his friend.

"What?" Steve whispered in disbelief, "Tony I found you passed out and brought you here! Why would I attack you?" He said, clearly hurt by the tension that had appeared.

Tony could do nothing but breathe deeply, wheezing during every inhale, "No, no, no, no, no." He began to tremble, "Look!" He pulled down his shirt and revealed the bruised-looking bite mark that he'd gotten.

The others seemed horrified, yet they could not believe that a saint like Steve Rogers would ever in a million years assault his own teammate.

"He's crazy," Tony said, rocking back and forth. The others didn't know what to do. Tony had lost all trust he'd ever had in Captain America. He knew he had not imagined anything. There was something seriously wrong with this situation but he was too afraid to fix it, "Please... keep him away..."

Steve looked down at his hands and wanted to scream. He felt a hand on his back but he abruptly stood and left the room. When he was outside, he slid down the wall and covered his face with his hands.

"What've I done...? I've lost him. He hates me. He hates me...," Steve's voice shook as he furrowed his brows and squeezed his eyes shut.

 

 

From then on, Tony was slowly going mad and he had to be separated from Steve completely. He knew he was losing it but he didn't know what to do about it. He desperately wanted Steve but he couldn't have him. He wanted to be touched by the love of his life but they were too afraid to get close.

/My life is over. It's over./ That was all Tony could think. Because it was over.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two people requested it be continued, so I was like hey why not? It's not the best, but hope you enjoy!

Tony lay in his bed, motionless. He heard the door open but did not turn to see who it was. He already knew, anyway.  
“Come on Stark, you need to get up. You haven't eaten in two days,” Natasha signed and stood in the doorway.  
But Tony did not say anything. In fact he did not even move. Like he couldn't even acknowledge Natasha's presence.  
“Clint ordered Chinese, if you want any. We'll be downstairs,” she spoke and her footsteps were heard, as well as the door closing behind her.  
Tony's stomach began to growl loudly, begging for food. But he had neither the strength nor motivation to move his body. He just wanted to scream. He has, already. Nearly every night. Natasha always checked up on him, Bruce occasionally. Steve came once, but that didn't end well.  
Tony shifted on his bed so he was staring up at the ceiling, debating on whether he should get up or not. It took about five minutes, but the man began to push himself up, groaning at the loud squeak his bed made.  
When he got off of the bed, his legs wobbled and he grabbed onto the wall for support. He walked shakily over to his closet, pulling out a pair of jeans and a simple black t-shirt. It took some effort to get them on, but he managed, then made his way to the door, wincing at the bright light that shone in his face as he stepped out of his dimly lit room.  
Now that he was more steady on his feet, he walked slowly to the elevator, pressing the down button. He heard footsteps and looked to the side, his breath getting caught in his throat.  
Steve.  
Steve looked up from the notebook he was observing, his eyes widening as he made contact with the dark haired man.  
The taller took a cautious step forward and Tony immediately took a step back.  
“I'll take the stairs,” was all Steve said as he turned around and walked the other way.  
With perfect timing, the elevator opened and Tony rushed in, only then noticing how badly he was trembling when he failed to press the button the first time.  
The elevator stopped and Tony stepped out, nearly running into Thor who happened to be walking past, “Ah, Tony! You've decided to join us!” His voice boomed, causing Tony to flinch, but the blonde didn't notice. Instead he placed his hand on the smaller's shoulder and kindly lead him to the dinner table, where Clint was setting down a large box filled with containers of Chinese food.  
Tony sat down and picked up a container, Natasha and Thor sitting in either side of him. He'd just opened his food when he saw Steve enter the room. Tony froze, watching him carefully. Steve sat down at the furthest seat from him, trying his best not to make eye contact as he grabbed a container and dug into his food. Tony finally looked away and began to eat as well. Actually, he ended up eating three containers of the food, since he was so hungry.  
Afterwards, he saw Clint and Natasha playing a game of cards, while the others had already retreated to their rooms. Tony did the same, walking to the elevator and up to his room, signing in content as he sat up on his bed, leaning on the headboard.  
He'd only been there a few seconds when the door opened, revealing a tall, built figure. A person much to large to be his normal guest. Tony's breathed in sharply as Steve closed the door and walked over to him.  
“Tony,” he said in a low voice. It was all that was needed to cause Tony to gasp and grab onto the sheets.  
“Why are you here?” He questioned.  
Steve didn't respond as he crawled on Tony's bed, making Tony whimper and push himself back.  
“I sure did mess you up. All I have to do is stand here and you're already shaking in fear,” the blonde let out a chuckle, “Amazing.”  
Tony shook his head frantically, “Stop, please Steve.”  
But Steve did not. He yanked Tony by the leg so that he was laying flat on his back. Now hovering over the dark haired one, Steve grinned maniacally, “Just look at what I've done to you! I've turned you into a trembling mess! And you know what the best part is? Do you?” He yelled.  
Tony shook his head, not even wanting to hear what Steve was saying.  
“You still want me.”  
“I don't!” Tony yelled defensively, punching Steve in the chest.  
Steve was not effected and he just wrapped his large hand around Tony's throat, “Damn I wanna see you choking and moaning in pain in pleasure. Writhing beneath me as you beg for more.”  
Tony gripped the larger man's wrist and stared wheezing in panic. Why did this Steve always have to harass him in such ways? It was humiliating, to say the least.  
Steve leaned down so his mouth was at Tony's ear, “I bet you'd like that, right? Well don't worry, I'll make you mine soon enough,” he growled as he ran his tongue down the smaller's neck.  
All Tony could do was squirm beneath him, praying that it would stop. And surprisingly, Steve hopped off the bed and walked towards the door, “Don't be sad, I'll come back tomorrow,” he laughed and exited, leaving Tony a wreck.  
The dark haired male already had tears trickling his eyes, and his body was frozen in place, like he was afraid Steve would be mad if he moved. So he didn't. He lay there all night, not moving and not sleeping. He could barely get his eyes to close, the fear of Steve watching him haunting his mind.  
“It's not real,” Tony whispered to himself, “He's lying. He's lying. He's lying.” He repeated a countless amount of times, all throughout the night.  
If only he was right.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah so I said I'd add a little fluff haha. Hope you enjoyed!

Tony had been laying in bed for two weeks now. Natasha had tended to some of his needs, like feeding him. Clint would get him to bathe and change his clothes. They hardly said anything to him, though. They probably didn't know what to say. They thought he was getting better, but after the second encounter with this evil Steve, Tony just felt dead inside. It shouldn't have affected him this much, bad stuff happens all the time. He would just lay in bed and ponder. Would the rest of the team have reacted like this? Have such bad anxiety every hour? Nightmares every night? Would he ever be close to Steve again? Most of all, did he still love Steve?  
Tony groaned and curled up in the sheets. It hurt like hell. All the questions appearing in his head, it created a pounding headache that wouldn't end. He only had seven hours of sleep that entire two weeks. What was he supposed to do? He wanted to be productive, but he was too scared.  
“Steve…,” Tony whispered, wrapping his arms around himself in a sad attempt of comfort.   
As if right on time, the door opened. Without even looking up, Tony knew it was Steve. He bit his lip and closed his eyes, awaiting something horrendous. The last visit Steve had told him he'd come back the next day, so Tony prepared for the worst. But he never came. But now he was here. It's the end for me, it's the end of the Stark's, Tony thought is horror.  
He could now feel the warmth of the built man standing next to his bed, “Tony.”  
The voice was softer than her anticipated. It was completely unexpected. In fact, he was so surprised, he even dared open his eyes to make sure it really was Steve.  
And it was.  
It was Steve.  
His Steve!  
Tony sat up and looked at the blonde man, waiting for him to make a move, but he kept thinking that maybe he wrong. Maybe the evil Steve was tricking him.  
“I'm so sorry, Tony,” Steve said quietly, his was voice so gentle, like if he spoke loudly, Tony would shatter.  
The smaller man gasped, “Steve, it is you… right?” His voice was rough from hardly speaking for many days.  
Steve nodded frantically, “Yes, yes it's me! I promise I won't hurt you,” he sounded desperate as he placed his hand atop Tony's skinny hand.  
The dark haired male flinched, but did not remove his hand from the other's, “Why… why is this happening? Who are you?” He muttered, trembling.  
The blonde shook his head, “That's the issue. I don't know. I don't know why you suddenly are terrified at the sight of me. I don't understand what is happening. I need to know, Tony,” he said, his voice gradually becoming louder.  
Tony became tense at the louder voice, somehow feeling like he should be silent.   
After a minute of being quiet, Steve spoke up, “Tony? Will you tell me?” His tone was easier now, less intimidating.  
Tony gulped and nodded his head, “You… you assaulted me. A-And threatened me… in… s-sexual ways,” he stammered, looking down at their hands.  
Steve was taken aback at the information. He couldn't possibly believe that! Why… Why would he do that?  
“I'm… I'm so sorry Tony. I'll try to… to stop,” Steve struggled to speak, and his mind seemed to become hazy.  
Tony just nodded, but then he nearly jumped out of his skin when strong arms wrapped around him, pulling him into an embrace.  
Once Steve let go, Tony felt like he was being punched in the gut again. The blonde had quickly exited the room, leaving the flustered genius to his own thoughts. To his own self-destroying, mind-boggling, heart-breaking thoughts.

 

Steve's POV  
I quickly went to my room and locked the door, my mind feeling dark and hazy, like I'd pass out. I was feeling like this for about two months now, it happened often. I'm not sure why, but I have a feeling it was caused by past memories. Whatever the reason, I hated it. I lay on my bed, breathing heavily as I felt myself drift into the darkness yet again.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay I swear this is the last boring update, it'll start getting somewhere after this I promise!

Tony smiled at the ceiling. It was the first genuine smile in a long time. He pushed himself off the bed and left his room. On his own. With no one to make him do it. He wanted to get to his lab, maybe build some suits. It helped him cope with stuff.   
Tony stood in the elevator and turned around, gasping loudly. Steve was standing in the corner.  
“St-Steve… y-you startled me,” he smiled nervously, tension growing by the second. Something was already off.  
“Sorry baby, didn't mean to scare you so bad,” Steve smirked, placing his hand on the shorter's shoulder.  
By now, Tony was visibly shaking, his palms felt sweaty and he couldn't utter a word. All he could was mentally scold himself for leaving his room when he should've known better.  
“You okay?” Steve asked with fake concern, “Where're you headed?”  
Tony gulped, “L-L-Lab…,” he whispered, reaching to press the button on the elevator to get to the ground floor.  
Steve grabbed his wrist and pushed it above his head, this action followed by a mocking laugh, “Wouldn't you rather stay in here?”  
The dark-haired man shook his head and tried to push Steve away with his free hand, “Please just let me go…,” he whimpered, turning his head away from the other, despite how cold the elevator wall felt on his face.  
Steve sneered and pressed the button to close the elevator doors, but the elevator itself didn't move, “Let you go? That's no fun, though.”  
Tony closed his eyes and took deep breaths, trying to calm himself down. He let out a yelp when he was pulled to the ground. When he opened his eyes, the blonde was hovering over him, eyeing him like a hungry animal, “Steve, d-don't do this!”  
The taller merely laughed, “Stop lying to yourself Tony. You're the playboy here,” he bent down closer to Tony's ear, “We both know you're just dying to have my dick up your—”  
“No!” Tony shouted, cringing at the words he was being told. Even if it might have been true. Even though he was a playboy who's had more sex than he can really remember. He didn't care about most of those people anyways. But he did care about Steve Rogers, “This… This isn't h-how it's supposed to happen,” he whispered.  
Scowling, Steve punched the floor beside Tony's head, “Yeah? I get it, should we move to the bedroom?”   
“Th-That's not what I m-meant…”  
“Shut up,” Steve commanded, clearly impatient. He picked the smaller male up bridal style, opening the doors to the elevator and exiting it, waking right into Tony's bedroom.  
Tony's fists clenched in fear as he tried to devise some sort of escape plan. It was difficult, considering that his fear seemed to be consuming all of his senses, so he couldn't even think straight.  
He was thrown onto the bed and felt Steve crawl over him. That's when he thought of a plan. His leg whipped out from beneath him and with much force, he kicked Steve. Right in the crotch.  
The blonde groaned loudly and gripped his hurting body part. Tony took the opportunity to push him off the bed as well, hearing a loud thud and another groan of pain. He was about to run away, but Steve spoke up.  
“What… what he heck?” He sounded confused.  
Tony peeked over the large bed and looked at the man crumpled on the floor, “St-Steve?” He said timidly.  
Steve looked up with wide eyes, immediately noticing the way Tony looked at him in terror. He cursed under his breath and stood up with a bit of a hassle, “Tony, I—”  
“Please leave.”  
“But—”  
“Leave!” Tony repeated, hiding himself beneath his sheets.  
Steve decided to stop arguing and left the room, but Tony was able to hear the sound of the blonde's fist colliding with the wall in anger. He just ignored it and focused on calming his out of control breathing patterns.


	5. Chapter 5

Another three days had passed. Natasha would visit with Tony frequently, just talking to him. She knew how lonely he was feeling, and that she knew he wouldn't get better like this.  
“Bruce is so concerned for you, he's not working very much and hasn't even been in the lab. He misses his science partner,” she smiled and rubbed Tony's back, mental cheering when she saw the corners of his lips tug upwards.  
“Really? I miss it, too. It feels incomplete… not working on something or conducting experiments with Banner,” Tony whispered, twiddling his thumbs as he stared at the wall. Even if he looked mostly apathetic at the moment, it warmed his heart so much to know that Bruce missed him, and that Natasha cared enough to always come talk to him. In fact, they'd been chatting for an hour now, about little nothing's that were sure to make Tony's day.  
When they heard the creek of the door, they expected it to be Clint visiting, but Tony's eyes instead met with the kind, familiar, beautiful blue eyes of the man he now feared and still loved. He managed to appear calm, but only because he knew he had Natasha beside him. Though he was pretty sure Steve was sane right now.  
“Natasha? D-Do you mind if I speak to Tony?” His voice indeed sounded nervous, confirming to the other two that Steve was not currently crazy.  
Natasha hopped off the bed and strode over to the blonde who was still in the doorway, “You dare harm him in any way and I'll—”  
“Natasha,” Steve spoke calmly, almost sounding hurt, “I won't.”  
She nodded and touched his arm lightly, letting him know that she was trusting him, and that her threats were not to be taken lightly. She then retreated the room and left the broken friends to themselves.  
Steve stepped forward with caution, “Hey Tony,” he greeted, sitting at the foot of the bed.  
“Hi Steve,” Tony's voice was barely audible, and he hid his entire body, excluding his head, beneath the sheets.  
“I don't want to scare you. I just need to tell you something important,” Steve scratched the back of his neck, looking away from the dark-haired male.  
“Then what is it? Y-You interrupted a nice c-conversation,” Tony responded, trying to prove to Steve that he wasn't completely submissive to the fear he felt around the blonde.  
Steve was quiet, then sighed in distress, “Tony, I… I love you. I love you so, so much and I want to kill myself, knowing how much pain I've put you through. I… I don't know why I'm doing it, but I know that it keeps happening, and I can't control it. I just needed to do this before it was too late.”  
“D-Do what?” Tony asked warily.  
Steve scooter closer and leaned nearer to Tony's face, shocking the smaller. It was even more of a shock when Steve connected their lips, engaging in a sweet kiss, putting no force into it, desperate to gain back Tony's trust.  
Tony didn't kiss back, not because he didn't like it, no, the kiss was incredible, this was just the last thing he'd ever expect from the soldier.  
“Tony?” Steve pulled away, but was still a mere inch away from the face of the smaller.  
Tony grinned as he smashed his lips onto Steve's again, finally letting his guard down.   
When they pulled away, they were both panting lightly, their cheeks tinted red. Steve took Tony's hand in his and interlaced their fingers, “Now to more pressing matters,” he began with a sign.  
“I'm not sure what's been causing me to act like this. But I've been noticing something,” Steve looked into Tony's eyes, as if asking permission to speak.  
Once Tony nodded to acknowledge he was listening, the taller continued, “Every time I… I wake up from that insanity, my mind gets bombarded with memories. All the bad ones.”  
“What do you think it means?” Tony asked, rubbing his thumb across Steve's knuckle.  
Steve looked downward, rubbing his face with one hand, “Well… the memories… they're of my mother. And Peggy and Bucky and occasionally your father. Of when they--” he let out a choked sob and Tony quickly moved beside him, caressing his forearm.  
Steve took a second before he was able to proceed, “Of when they were gone. I lost Peggy, I left her with so many promises I couldn't keep. I let Bucky die, I couldn't save him, and now look what's happened to him. Howard, one of my closest allies, was murdered. My mother… she and I were abused by my father… and when he passed, she worked so hard to support her scrawny little kid.”  
Tony could hear how shaky Steve's voice was and it was obvious that he was on the verge of tears, “Steve… what are you saying?”  
The blonde took a deep breath, sitting up and facing Tony, “I think that this evil me is a subconscious part of my mind telling me that I have to have you. That I can't lose you, that you have to be everything I lost.”  
“Then why is it hurting me?” Tony spoke barely above a whisper.  
“It's angry.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed! I was sure to add a little fluff and explain a bit why Steve is acting this way. Kudos and comments are appreciated! Thank you for reading!


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IM SORRY FOR NOT UPDATING but I've been busy with school and all so. Also smut in this chapter but it sucks so I apologize for that too. Hope you enjoy though, thanks for reading!!

Tony held his sheets with a death grip, a single beed a sweat running down his face. The last thing Steve had said was "It's angry." After that, Steve had started to growl, clenching his fists and breathing heavily through his flared nostrils, then storming out of the room, slamming the door.   
“Steve…,” Tony whispered, feeling more concerned for the super soldier than himself at the moment. Steve seemed to be more insane every passing day, and Tony could only imagine how long it'd be until the blonde's mind was completely consumed. He felt fear for their future.  
Getting off his bed, he went to his closet to change. He put on his black long sleeve with his favorite Black Sabbath t-shirt over it, then a simple pair of jeans.  
As he walked to the door, someone opened it for him. It was Clint.  
“Hey Tony, are you alright? I saw Steve pacing around in the hallway. He didn't do anything to you, did he?” the archer questioned.  
“I'm fine, where did he go?” Tony questioned, impatient to get past Clint.  
“He's just sitting in the hallway now, by—”  
“Excuse me,” Tony muttered, pushing past his teammate and trying to find Steve. He turned around the corner and there he was, like Clint has said, sitting on the ground and leaning on the wall, “Steve?”  
Steve's head snapped towards the voice, “Tony, why'd you come to me? I thought I was about to go crazy again.”  
“I knew you wouldn't,” Tony said and moved in front of the blonde, sitting crosslegged on the ground.  
Steve sighed and let his head fall into his hands, “Tony… I have a request.”  
“What is it?”  
“Can we, um, well,” Tony saw Steve's ears turning red.  
“Spit it out,” Tony smirked.  
“CanwemakeloveincaseIgocrazyagain?” Steve said at lightning speed with his face smushed in his hands.  
“Steve, I couldn't hear a damn word you just said right there.”  
The super soldier let out a embarrassed groan, and picked his head up just a tad, “Can we, uh, do it? In case, you know, I go crazy again… or something?”  
Tony stared at Steve with his mouth agape, but quickly closed it and let it fall into a smirk, “So you want to have sex?”  
“Y-Yeah…,” Steve smiled a little.  
“Hell yeah,” Tony chuckled and grabbed Steve's hand, pulling him to his feet and dragging him back to his own room.  
The taller stumbled behind Tony, but soon enough he was able to pick the billionaire up in his arms and kick the bedroom door closed, tossing the two of them on the bed, “You sure about this?”  
“When have I ever not been sure about this?”  
“True.”  
The two smashed their lips together, Tony grabbing Steve's collar and yanking him closer. Steve, hovering over Tony, let one hand hold onto the smaller's waist whilst the other was beside Tony's head, holding himself up.   
Without a second thought, Tony's hands began to quickly fiddle with the zipper to Steve's pants, undoing them and yanking off his belt, then pushing them down with his feet, the previously nervous and quiet Tony seemingly nonexistent now.  
Steve did the same to the smaller, then pulling off his own shirt and tossing to the side.  
“Thought you were a virgin,” Tony teased.  
“Thought wrong,” Steve replied with a smirk, trailing kisses down Tony's neck, while the dark-haired eagerly tore his shirt off.  
“Then get on with it, I can't stand this teasing,” the smaller whined, wiggling out from underneath Steve to reach under his pillow, throwing a condom at him and then handing him the bottle of lubricant.  
“You would have this under your pillow,” Steve joked and rolled his eyes, though Tony didn't miss the pink blush that spread across the blonde's face as he pulled down his boxers, revealing his erect penis, then putting the condom on himself.  
So cute, Tony thought and licked his lips, shimmying out of his own underwear, spreading his legs to the taller. He groaned as Steve's lubed fingers pushed into his entrance, thrusting in and out, “Hurry on with it,” Tony mumbled, causing Steve to chuckle.  
“You're eager,” the blonde muttered.  
Tony wanted to say he was scared, but he wouldn't admit it. Scared that Steve may change personalities again. It was a thought that never left his mind, and the fact that he was slowly lowering his defenses was worrisome.   
Taking deep breaths, Tony waited for Steve to finish stretching him properly, desperately needing the larger inside him.  
Steve lubed himself up again, before starting to push into the smaller man.   
“Hurts,” Tony whined, holding tightly to Steve's shoulder. His length was much larger than the fingers that were previously sheathed inside him, so there was a painful stinging combined with the pleasure.  
“Bear with me,” Steve soothed. Now Tony had always been a fan of dirty talk, but hearing Steve being sweet was something entirely different. He loved it.  
“Stevie, keep t-talking,” Tony mumbled, still pained while being penetrated by the blonde's cock.  
With a kiss to his forehead, Steve spoke, “Tony, darling, you're doing good, mm, you're so warm.”  
The brunette whimpered, “You feel good, y-you, ngh, make me feel good!”   
“Tell me when to move, 'kay honey?” Steve asked, now completely inside him, “Just breathe.”  
Tony obeyed and took long, exaggerated breaths, “M-Move,” he ordered, rolling his hips.  
Starting out slowly, much to Tony's distaste, Steve pulled out and pushed back in, repeating this and gradually getting faster each time, until he was practically hammering the smaller into the bed.  
“Ah, a-ahn, Ste-eve,” Tony moaned and held tightly to Steve's shoulder. The bed made loud creaking sounds and lightly banged against the wall as Steve thruster forcefully inside him.  
Grabbing Tony's right leg, Steve threw it over his shoulder, lifting the brunette's hips a tad to thrust at a different angle.  
“Ah! Steve, fuck, right there! H-Harder captain…,” Tony moaned erotically, biting his lip.   
Steve flared his nostrils and he abused Tony's prostate, hitting it right on, then brushing past it, wanting to have Tony begging.  
Tony, realizing what Steve was trying to do, practically threw away his pride right there, “Oh… captain please! P-Punish me, ah! S-So good... mm! Harder, please!”  
“Fuck… Tony,” Steve groaned as he proceeded to hit his prostate, causing Tony to arch his back, becoming a moaning, panting wreck.  
Leaning down, their lips collided and Steve bit the smaller's lips lightly, Tony throwing his head back in bliss.   
“You taste, ngh, so good,” Steve muttered, and Tony could hear the darkness in his voice, but was too far gone to do anything about it.  
“Steve… I-I'm close…,” the brunette whimpered as Steve's head moved downward to bite lightly on his shoulder. Soon enough, the bite was hard enough to leave a mark, and Tony loved the feeling, “A-Ah! Steve!”  
Tony came all over his and Steve's torso, and Steve did the same, emitting a loud moan.  
But the biting didn't cease.  
“Steve… that hurts.”  
He was pretty sure there was a hole in shoulder.  
“Steve!” Tony yelled as he could feel blood seeping out of his body.  
Steve growled and wouldn't let go.  
Tony clawed the blonde's back and scratched him, kicking the man's back with his heels at the same time, desperate to get away.  
“STEVE!”  
Tony's shoulder was let go and Steve looked into his eyes with horror, “Tony, I…,” he muttered as a few drops of blood fell from his mouth.  
“Get out,” Tony whimpered, “Out!”  
Steve scrambled off the bed and gathered up his clothing to put them on, then rushing out of the room.  
With a harsh breath, the billionaire pushed off his bed and limped to the bathroom, collapsing to the ground. He crawled to the tub and turned it on, waiting for it to fill up.  
It took effort to get over the wall and fall in the vast tub, but Tony managed, yelping quietly as he did. Red and white colors flooded in the clean water, making it look murky and gross.   
It wasn't long before Tony blacked out, not wanting to be found.  
Maybe I'll die here…


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SORRY FOR TAKING SO LONG. And will probably be like 1 or 2 more chapters.

Steve furiously scrubbed his face with a wet washcloth, rinsing his mouth over and over despite the fact that Tony's blood had already been completely washed away.  
“Fight it, dammit!” Steve cursed, punching the mirror, it shattering into his sink, and his fist now bleeding.   
Pulling a piece of broken glass from his finger, he left his bathroom, not bothering to tend to his injured hand.

—

Tony slowly opened his eyes and yawned. He felt icky. Looking around, he saw he was still in the bath, but it now had a reddish tint to it.  
He grimaced, and stood , grabbing his towel and drying himself off as he got out. When he looked in the mirror, he saw the rough, purple bruise that Steve had left on him. Man, it hurt like hell.  
Feeling the urge to lock his bedroom door, he hurriedly put some clothes on and walked to his bedroom door, shutting it and locking it.  
“You're a little too late, aren't you?”  
Tony froze where he was and his eyes widened almost comically.  
“Shit.”

— — — 

The next time Tony woke up, he wasn't in the Avengers Tower, or any other Stark Tower. No, he was in a dark room, the only light coming from a dirty, barred up window. He lie on an old mattress, hard and painful on his back. As he shifted, he felt something weighing his ankle down, realizing it was a chain strapping him to the wall. Worst of all, his pants and underwear had been taken.  
He recognized his shirt as one that was not his. It was a Captain America t-shirt, an extra large one. Tony shivered.  
There was a voice, “Are you comfortable, Tony? Do you like my gift?” These words were followed by a dark chuckle.  
Tony glared at him, but he knew Steve would be able to see right through — see how scared he was, “Don't touch me.”  
“It's all I wanna do,” Steve responded, crouching beside Tony and grabbing his chin, “You look cute in my shirt.”  
For a second, Tony recalled when he fell in love with Steve. That voice... so deep and sweet. He loved the way Steve could make people at ease... how Captain America could comfort people without even trying.   
It was the same voice. Though it only brought fear now.  
“Are you going to answer me?” Steve growled.   
With great effort, Tony lifted his fist and....  
Flipped him off.  
“So that's how you want it, eh?” Steve huffed and grabbed Tony's shoulders, pinning him to the mattress, “Fine then.”

— — —

Tony lay on his side on the cheap mattress, a thin sheet covering his body. His skin was littered with hickeys, bite marks, and bruises. Steve had had his way with Tony, leaving the billionaire agonized by both mental and physical pain. His breath came out in short pants, fearing Steve may reappear and punish him... or something.  
All of a sudden, there was a loud crash that seemed to shake the room, followed by a deep, pained scream. Tony felt his body twitch.

—

There was a large crack in the cement wall where Steve had punched it. Blood ran down his knuckle. He'd hurt Tony. He'd kidnapped him. He... he did things to him.  
“Dammit!” He roared.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the end.   
> WARNING  
> This chapter is sad and pretty brutal

Tony's breath came out ragged and strained. It'd been several minutes since the loud bang. Finally, he heard uneven footsteps near him. Perhaps Steve was limping? It didn't matter.

Tony hadn't realized his eyes were shut until Steve spoke to him, sitting beside him as well.

“Tony...”

Tony said nothing, his eyes wide as he looked anywhere but into Steve's piercing gaze.

Into those... blue, frightened... crying eyes. The hell?

“I understand if you don't want to talk to me, but I'm not going to let this continue,” Tony heard the shackles on his ankles being fiddled with.

“Just... however you remember me... remember that I, the real me, love you.”

Tony clenched his teeth. He wanted to speak, wanted to yell at the blonde. He wanted to tell him he loved him, too. But he couldn't, his entire being was stricken with fear.

“I love you,” soft, plush lips were pressed to Tony's cheek. The shackles and chains were gone. Steve was walking away.

Steve.

Dammit!

Tony scrambled to his feet, wrapping the sheet around him as he stumbled out of the dark room, following the sound of Steve's heavy steps.

“Shit,” Tony hissed as tears started falling.

He heard a door being shut.

Running towards the noise, Tony found himself face-to-face with a locked door. He could hear the taller man shuffling in the locked room.

“Dammit, Steve, open the door!” Tony yelled.

No response, just moving.

Tony continuously slammed his first on the door, ignoring the bruises and scratches that began to accumulate.

Then heard it. The worst sound of them all.

Steve was choking. 

“OPEN THE FUCKING DOOR!” Tony shrieked as he began to throw his body onto the door. He ignored the pain, the aching of his hips, the scars starting to bleed again, and the bruises getting darker.

The door flew open and Tony fell to the ground. 

He wasted no time in searching for a knife, because Steve was dangling from the ceiling and his facing was turning more purple by the second.

Tony picked up a switch blade and climbed onto the stool near the blonde. Reaching up, he frantically tried to cut through the rope, managing to slice his thumb a bit in the process.

By the time is was almost done, Steve pushed him to the ground with the little strength he had left. However, the rope snapped and he, too, fell to the ground.

Tony gasped as he pulled the noose from Steve's neck. 

And they looked into each other's eyes.

Tony kissed him.

He could only hope that Steve felt it before his eyes went blank and his body became limp.

Gripping Steve's dead body, Tony cried. What else had he to do?

— — — —

It was two days later before Tony managed to emerge from the dirty cellar and back above ground. From what he could see, he was still in New York City.

With great effort, Tony hobbled across the littered streets, not caring when people stared in disbelief at his current state. His dirty, pale, disheveled state.

He didn't. Fucking. Care.

— — 

Only a couple hours later, authorities had managed to retrieve Steve's body from the cellar. Tony refused any questions. The avengers were all working to get everything sorted out.

But Tony, he lay beneath the soft covers of his bed, eyes dull and feelings duller. 

All he could do was contemplate suicide.

Why was it real? How can a man kill himself? Tony understood now. He would've done it, too, had Natasha not decided to stay with him.

— — —

Tony didn't attend the funeral.

Steve told him to remember the real him. The Steve Rogers that was in love with Tony Stark. 

And in Tony's opinion, that man in the coffin wasn't his Steve Rogers. Because Steve Rogers was Captain America. A strong-willed soldier who wouldn't dream of letting his country down. Of letting the Avengers down. 

Of letting Tony down.

So, Steve Rogers, where did you go?


End file.
